The emptiness... lonely hopeless feeling... yesterday, nearly push me deep down the hole again! I call off the cooking back in the house, don't like they see my red eyes. Father and son still busy working on top of the house changing all the fascias and guttering for the last two weeks. Nearly finish and looking not bad... they like do things together, anything if they can do... they want to do it them self, this project take them 20 years to decided or save up!

 

After I call off the cooking, I have a great cry in the flat, lucky no body next door, then I have this new idea- a cookery club just for friends and mentally ill, it give me some light or hope, I don't feel that sad suddenly! I am not running a business, just some friends having lunch and I doing some cooking lessons, it's free! just some donation to a charity. I think I can manage that, its not a formal lesson, just like few friends get together... this is not a dream, just something to keep me occupied, don't think I can work again anymore, my arm and shoulder been playing me up again, I been searching for a new job, but how do I work with my pain on shoulder and arm! I think that three week school cleaning really finish me off! I don't know its that hard work, should give up the first day, and listen to my old lady. And a big thank you to my dad, all those years working for you with that hot WOK! All I got from you is a pain in the shoulder and arm, thanks Dad! And my heel spur! I won't forgive and forget you Dad! Its impossible....