Feel very blue today... told hubby I will pop in later to cook dinner at his place when he left my flat this morning, just before I want to leave, tears was pouring down my face, it change my mood so quick, I don't like to pop in and let them see me with my red eyes and I know I will keep flooding the place with tears. Hubby said he don't mind and ask me to come down. I was ok last night and cooking breakfast this morning, I did said a few words when he leave this morning moaning about me not happy on my own again! with no job and worrying about my pain on my arm and shoulder, and looks like that crazy dream is like a  big rock deep down in the ocean. I have friends and family and hubby and a daughter, but they seem like far far away from me no body  want to know or care about me, I am scare to call them when I am low, I feel I am not welcome, sisters and brothers? Am I that mad! I know everybody have their own story too, but we should get together more... we're not much different from stranger...

 

Hubby just call he will pick me up after he got the stew cooking in the oven, I don't know I am lucky or not with this hubby, he seem to care and still love me, even I push him to pick between me or his dad, and he pick to stay with his dad!  We can have a place close to his dad's, but he don't like the idea,  I am still on my own, maybe this is a trend now a days, just like he told me - there is a program about partner and married couple living separately but stay together with the relationships. Just like us... yes, but they not dump because a father in-law! I feel so blue again with all this old pain still around me, try to let go but it's not easy, after I have a good cry, I feel a little bit better. Then another crazy idea just come out from nowhere - cookery lunch club for friends and the mentally ill.... free! Just a little donation for a name charity... how about that? My blue is fading...   

 

I just need something to keep my mind off my pain... and feel useful... something to look forward to... and keep intouch with people, not feeling lonely at home. I am much better now, I got this cookery club to keep my mind busy for a while... one dream pass away... but I got another to keep me going... life feel some light again... devil(bipolar)! I won't let you bit me this time... I will wait and see for myself!