Finally... I need to face the truth, life is hard with out a job and money... how long can I carry on living alone with out a job... the God create us and working for money to stay alive is his wish. We fight we kill we rob for all sort of way to get the money, even with your own family or friends, jealous is the NO 1 motive, you got one of these and I want one too! So everybody are after that word "Money". Me too... I can't stay on my own any longer with out a job, and I am not claiming any unemployed money, never have done, with just a little DLA benefits, I am digging a hole for myself. Yes, everybody think I am stupid but i just can't sign up for job seeker allowance, I can pop in the job centre to seek help looking for work, but I just couldn't face the true that I need to ask for help to get money to stay alive, I might turn to my brothers! LOL!!! I rather starve to death, try that to many times, wish I can go if that easy! Your GOD won't let me! He is the only one who care about me! haha...

 

And another thing make me give in is my old dream, its the only one that still hanging out not doing anything, most my dream had got its home or place to stay, so I really want to have another go, I want try it again... even Father in-law have a big hope on that from me, my health and age is pushing on me, time is running out, that dream actually is out of my head for good, but I still have that little dream somewhere in the corner, it keep telling me - there is hope... and the happy news is - Mei is going back to the house, she will try to find her happy ever after......... LOL!

 

What do you think the end will be my friends - or have I got any? LOL... Yes, space is just for people looking for pleasure from pain!, people just love to see people's pain and get upset or cross if they think you're not doing what they expect or wish. All those kind words just for show? They can dump you for no reason and you keep thinking why, what have I done? Why come back and ask me why can't I read your post? Well, when I am hot or low, that is my mood it go up and down so quick for a reason and I hate commenting space with no reply not just once or twice... in the end I will fight back, to me they're not treating you like a friend, they just want to read your pain and have a laugh, when this happen I deleted people from my list, sometimes its mistake I forgot to add them on my permission, I just don't understand how people got the face to ask to read your blog and they don't bother to return your comment or say thank you for visiting, I've a few are like that from my early post when I find out I can set permersion! There are request flooding in to read my post, I was really surprised! I have such little bunch interesting reader reading my rubbish!  I am really see through now, friends are hard to understand and a real friend are hard to tell sometimes... I remember my dad said this to us a few times: Good friends bad friends, you need to know, don't push them away because they're bad, but don't get in their bad things, some times the bad one can lend you a helping hands, I think its so true, we been there.

 

I am staying with my blog and I will carry on moaning what I like to moan, when I start this blog things, I really have no idea I can have comment back with my writing, specially my English is that crap, and most my writing is about my up and down mood with bipolar, I am really please with all the friends I make in here, your comments are encouraging and yes, had been one or two drama but I love it, especially people need to deleted their comments or space to keep their pure side. I deleted one or two recently, its only i am talking to much and got the wrong signal that they want to be friends again. Well, that is all for now, to much moaning will damage your look, be careful... Mei

One of my Solutions is working... hubby sort of ... he ask me looking for details...

 

Wow, thank GOD, I see you coming now, light is shinning up there, ha-ha... maybe you need a told off as well... LOL!

I am zipping my mouth this time, help me GOD! he-he... How long for...

I don't understand the word LOVE! My hubby love me? Father in-law love me? my daughter love me? My Father love me?-This father love is a big??? I'll do another blog about my own dad one day, but not now!

 

First, I still feel the love from my hubby, but I REALLY don't understand why he really want to stay with his dad, rather then me, I don't think it's my bipolar make him to choose his dad. And I hope not, and it could be, but we're together 16 years! I really do mean what I mean, his dad or me, I'm not going back to live with the old man anymore, I have enough, 16 years!!!! I need to watch my own health. I want my OWN place with out father in-law or rather be on my own!!!! Good or Bad!