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I love my Bipolar........it sparks Is this what father should do... just watching? Pleasure from pain...Pleasure from pain... I think everybody does some times - you been hurt... had a hard time with friends or family, everything seems wrong around you, do you take pleasure from pain! I do...I blame GOD, who else I blame... well! yes, of course its not true I know that, there isn't one! So, it doesn't matter! But I didn't think about other people's feeling, and I am very wrong, didn't know my moaning and blaming GOD recently was really hurting some people's feeling, and I am taking pleasure from pain - making fun with their GOD, blaming my pain are from him. Yes, I am! if there is one up there, he is our GOD, he give us life! and he should look after us, but what did he do? if he is that powerful and people believe him, but did he give us peace and health, he is our father, he just watching his own children killing each other hurting others did he do anything to stop us? Well, my friends that is my own crazy thinking, I don't believe any God, if there was one, we must have more than one father, and why the children are different colour... so his been naughty too! If there is a GOD up there, I think he is like your own father, should be just one. It's the same as we're come from one dad one mum, and that is no matter how many mum or dad you have. So if our very first father is the GOD, how did he make us people different colour? He must have lots of different colour lady friend them!
 Well, I don't know how this rubbish has come out from my head, just want to moan about people like to take pleasure from pain and I am one of them too, I take pleasure from pain - I blame all my pain from our father - the GOD! If people couldn't stand my joke! Please have a read my front page before joining my space, no matter who's invited who. I am thinking leaving here to start a new home for my mood, and may be I will change my thinking or mind to please your GOD, I LOVE YOU GOD!  Don't know why...I don't know what is up with me lately, I been blaming everything on GOD recently, and look what I done to my space!
 Looks like I had upset everybody with my blogs lately! Well, damage are done, I know no matter how many times I say sorry, its no use. All my GOD talk... just for adding some smile and venting during visits from my friend - bipolar! Who will understand me... Love me Hate me... who care! I see it all. Thanks P, I remember your chin up! I am trying my best!  Good day to you all! You all in my heart... help me through many up and down... Thank you all! Have a good chat with my favorite Aunty...Went out shopping with my favorite Aunty, only just down the road and we walk in the rain, just a little rain and not far so we walk, only bought some foodie for the tummy not cloths shopping! :-( We had a good chat back in my flat, told her one of my good news... but she don't think... I thought she will be please for us... well, I will try my best to show it work. And I will blog this a later date.
I call my sisters out for dim sum tomorrow with all the children and my little pain is coming too, i thought she will say no when i ask, i am surprised, hope she behave... so I hope tomorrow is another good day, my mood are going up quick last few day, i am feeling strong again and my arm are getting better each day, so there is hope and light again, love you GOD! ha ... :-) There is hope... I hope...One of my Solutions is working... hubby sort of ... he ask me looking for details...
Wow, thank GOD, I see you coming now, light is shinning up there, ha-ha... maybe you need a told off as well... LOL!
I am zipping my mouth this time, help me GOD! he-he... How long for...  Things come in three.... anymore?When you're down... things always come in three... I only realise that are really happening... only heard that from hubby few years ago...
Job, pain in the neck, and now my xxxxxx boiler! I really hope its just three! Thank you GOD... you really are kind to me, first you gifted me my bipolar, and now you're punish me... I think you are, small heart... remember? If there is a GOD up somewhere, then he is punishing me, all this pain I need to put up with is still not enough and you need to give me more, you are really small heart... GOD!
I am very sorry to all my GOD friend's friends, I do have some crazy time believing God and Jesus, and actually my G-ma and Dad are Buddhism and I don't believe any, but when I was 24 my 2rd big crack are showing up and before I went to the nut house in HK during my holiday, I was talking crazy things to my little brother, I wake him up late at night telling him Jesus is up there, it's real, I can remember the look on his face, he was disappointed, it was our holiday and I gone mad! They all disappointed I spoiled our holiday, but to proof I was right to my family, I start screaming because nobody believe me and I want to break things to make them believe there is Jesus up there, I want to pick up a big vase, try to hit the TV but they stopped me, I managed hit the 2 ft vase on the floor, and I ended up in the police station for the night and lock up in the mad house for the rest of my holiday, the doctor let me out few day before the end of my three week holiday, and i was supposed coming back for a school friend's wedding, and I never had chance to see her or went to her wedding, my dad won't even let us go anywhere without him and he treat us like a 3 years old, he don't remember i was sent back HK before for my first holiday with a friend and his new wife, I am on my own most the time, I was 17-18 then and with my first depression. Wow! that is something... and I have a few more holiday back home on my own and with family, thank GOD no visiting the nut house, still had that worry too, sometime! Don't think I can do that anymore, on my own!!!
God... where am I? Did it again! just want to correct something end up adding a book in the middle! Yes, the GOD stuff... I had that God and Jesus in my mind for ages, and I bought myself a cross necklace when I got back to UK, I bet my dad bought me one while I am in the nut house, but he never did, all I want is just for some comfort because i am believing at that time, but the cross never work and I did went to church manytime with different people but I never feel any thing in there, and I still go now and them if friends ask, just to socialise. But because no matter who I believe or not, I am still had this big devil visit me, so from my last relapse, I change... 9 years ago, I had a very bad one with my bipolar, he nearly finish me off, during that periods I don't know who is up there I can ask for help, when I look out the bedroom window, I ask the big tree give me a node if there is GOD up there, or stop waving the leaves right now if I am right, so I said: "Jesus or Chinese God?" sometime they do look like talking to you, but I still don't know or I stop believing any now, I think be kind and honest don't do things to hurt people is enough, and last, any of my writing, is a big hot to read for some people... and I am sorry if they make you uncomfortable, and that included any family member if you read - my past and new post!
My space my writing is my way to get me out of my hole that GOD dump me in to......... hope you all understand!
who will understand...The emptiness... lonely hopeless feeling... yesterday, nearly push me deep down the hole again! I call off the cooking back in the house, don't like they see my red eyes. Father and son still busy working on top of the house changing all the fascias and guttering for the last two weeks. Nearly finish and looking not bad... they like do things together, anything if they can do... they want to do it them self, this project take them 20 years to decided or save up!
After I call off the cooking, I have a great cry in the flat, lucky no body next door, then I have this new idea- a cookery club just for friends and mentally ill, it give me some light or hope, I don't feel that sad suddenly! I am not running a business, just some friends having lunch and I doing some cooking lessons, it's free! just some donation to a charity. I think I can manage that, its not a formal lesson, just like few friends get together... this is not a dream, just something to keep me occupied, don't think I can work again anymore, my arm and shoulder been playing me up again, I been searching for a new job, but how do I work with my pain on shoulder and arm! I think that three week school cleaning really finish me off! I don't know its that hard work, should give up the first day, and listen to my old lady. And a big thank you to my dad, all those years working for you with that hot WOK! All I got from you is a pain in the shoulder and arm, thanks Dad! And my heel spur! I won't forgive and forget you Dad! Its impossible....What is life...Feel very blue today... told hubby I will pop in later to cook dinner at his place when he left my flat this morning, just before I want to leave, tears was pouring down my face, it change my mood so quick, I don't like to pop in and let them see me with my red eyes and I know I will keep flooding the place with tears. Hubby said he don't mind and ask me to come down. I was ok last night and cooking breakfast this morning, I did said a few words when he leave this morning moaning about me not happy on my own again! with no job and worrying about my pain on my arm and shoulder, and looks like that crazy dream is like a big rock deep down in the ocean. I have friends and family and hubby and a daughter, but they seem like far far away from me no body want to know or care about me, I am scare to call them when I am low, I feel I am not welcome, sisters and brothers? Am I that mad! I know everybody have their own story too, but we should get together more... we're not much different from stranger...
Hubby just call he will pick me up after he got the stew cooking in the oven, I don't know I am lucky or not with this hubby, he seem to care and still love me, even I push him to pick between me or his dad, and he pick to stay with his dad!
 We can have a place close to his dad's, but he don't like the idea, I am still on my own, maybe this is a trend now a days, just like he told me - there is a program about partner and married couple living separately but stay together with the relationships. Just like us... yes, but they not dump because a father in-law! I feel so blue again with all this old pain still around me, try to let go but it's not easy, after I have a good cry, I feel a little bit better. Then another crazy idea just come out from nowhere - cookery lunch club for friends and the mentally ill.... free! Just a little donation for a name charity... how about that? My blue is fading...  I just need something to keep my mind off my pain... and feel useful... something to look forward to... and keep intouch with people, not feeling lonely at home. I am much better now, I got this cookery club to keep my mind busy for a while... one dream pass away... but I got another to keep me going... life feel some light again... devil(bipolar)! I won't let you bit me this time... I will wait and see for myself! Feeling little bit...Got a letter from the landlord's solicitor last week, in his opinion preparing and cooking food on a commercial scale would be in breach of the covenant contained in the lease. He also said " A lot of people do run small part-time business from their homes - Internet type business. But if Mei carrying on a business from the premises, it is not a private dwelling use and if there are smells emanating from the cooking that could well amount to a nuisance. Further, the insurance policy for the block is in the nature of a policy for private flats and a commercial operation might void the policy." - When I did my home cooked meals 12 years ago at my in-law's house (only 3 hours an evenings Friday, Saturday only ) the business is so low key the insurance didn't need to change a thing but I do had other insurance for the business.
Well, I still hope there is a chance to get them change their mind! I think working at home as a business on the Internet is no different from what I trying to do. All business is a business, if people can work at home running a business - is business! All business call commercial - big or small... and I do think there is people out there who is working at home doing big business... Mei just want to stay alive.......... and 99 % Mei's ready meals is prepared ready meals ready for you to cook in your own home. How much cooking will it need for just prepared food for people doing the cooking in their own home? And how big is my flat and how much ready meals I can prepared in my tiny little flat with my tiny little electric hob? There is on the news few years back, a couple making pancake at home for a well know supermarket chain. Two woman doing frozen baby food in their own kitchen at home. And a lady running a small group cookery class at her flat in London. I might still have a photo from bbc GOOD FOOD magazine showing the lady running her class in her kitchen. See! all this people's story do give me a lot inspirations and idea... Mei admirer them a lot... tomorrow I will post my landlord another letter, just hoping thing will...... I am not giving up yet!
It's a little bit low today, but after writing all this down, I am a lot better already! Ready for more... surprised! Ways to make it work....There is ways and plans that I think will help this idea-Ready Meals flouriest....
No 1 is a crazy idea, but I think it will boost the Company and I have mention many times to my Father in-law before about this plan - I really mean to give away something to a mentally health charity, because I am a nutter myself and I know how hopeless and the pain when we are ill, if I can do something and make some money from it and I did like to do it like lots other people do, and I really will give 100%! Of course, people will think I am nut! and up to something. Yes, I am! To stop me staying at home waiting for GOD! and doing nothing and if I can make this dream or idea work to make a job for myself and make some money too toward a charity and of course a wage to pay my bills, I would like to give away !00% gross/net profit! Yes, am I nut? No, its only for the first year... dumb dumb! Not sure about posting this blog, may be I should listen once again to my Father in-law.... "don't tell anyone about this ready meals plan, keep it quiet till I ready." may be I should but I just love to share anything with my space friends in here everytime when I have something good or sad. I do hope it didn't do any harm this time..... but I am a fighter...... am I? And one more thing-if I upset any your GOD, please forgive me, don't be like your dad-your GOD.... have a great day to all my space friends! Mei
PS:100%? Yes, why.... there is no one in this earth are worth to me..... family... hubby... daughter... do they worth? So, not worth after my life... then I like it to use on something I like to do... to find the killer.... haha! For this horrible illness! Understand me? And this blog been holding it for sometimes, not sure is a good idea to post such stuff, but I don't know why, I can't keep everything in mind anymore, and I want to see what my crazy thinking will give me this time! In my real life..... I always have something big and new changes happened in my life, I don't like stay still.... always something new and big pop out my life now and them, don't know its good or bad this time!
my 2 year 9 months Dell.....My 2 year and 9 months laptop are finish.... it just dead stop yesterday, the laptop's brain over load I think, hope it wont cost much to fixed, I will take to shop later to see...... everything wants your money when you don't have a job, better get the Big WOK out quick!
Went back the house last night..... I can't live in the flat with out my laptop, it will be like living in a cell!
And my plans for the Ready Meals are on the hold, why every time when you need something or someone, you always get something on your way! Have a good week to all my space friends! Mei is doing fine! what holding my dream....This Ready Meals idea..... its in my head nearly 10 years, it been put off because of a so call friend, it make me sick for over two years, after that... I have lost confidence for everything for a long time and another friend-diabetic had come in to my life, I feel very tired most the day, I can see the health is not as good as it used to be, and running this idea is a big thing even it look easy to me, I know there is alot of work and mind work involved, and me a really lazy person!
And I really hate cooking..... but this idea for the long run is to sort out my cooking problem.... hehe..... specially when I am old and no one can cook my Cantonese for me, my daughter won't do it..... so, I always wish and hope this crazy Ready Meals idea can make my worry free for the future! Also, most the dishes are suitable for the elderly - minced and soft, and delicious! And my first costumer in mind is myself.... for my pension age! hehe!!!!! What makes me hold back this dream.... my bipolar-its my first time I been told about this illness after 25 years suffer from it. Not sure its good or bad, in the past I am ok most the time, only something big from family always started my high and one of this so call orange friend had make my life a hell. Even now this Ready Meals idea is something to do with this orange friend and family, no one from family can give me a listening ear and I know its not truth to just blame them. I am doing it for this orange friend, yes, it is! But no.... its not truth...its not just that! I am not moving back to hubby in his dad's house and I mean it, even we are still call ourself hubby and wife but we are only like a friend now, and I am getting used to on my own, its lonely and sad sometime, but going back to that house is like a deep wells for me, I will never coming out again only deeper! If we can keep it this way and peaceful..... why not! But sometime I do feel sad for hubby.... he need to work come home cooking,cleaning, gardening, running round for the pain(daughter) and she is really a pain, not helping at all to keep things tidty and clean, but hubby said she did, I don't see it... the house are in a mess I hate to go there for dinner,,, but don't want to say no. Many times I said to hubby, you need merrymaids, I do it for you half price! he said " Why I pay if I can do it myself" See... no wonder I don't get pay a penny for all those year-17 years.... I hate him now.... I only realise I been a fool all those years. GOD! What make me started all this again in here, its not even fit in for the title!
Well, what make me holding this dream...... and now what make me start..... and why..... and the good for..... I leave that for later..... need a break! Help.......................Don't know what I done to my blog font, from "old dream i nearly give up" all the way down to all my old blog the font had changed.Can anyone help me sorted this mess out. Its all over every page, I only just wanted on one page! It look horrible! HELP................................. Free meal for my readers.....Want to claim a free meal......
just show up who you are mystery reader.....
leave a comment or a word
every time you visit
Mei's kichen are offer a lucky mystery reader a ready meal deal for life.......
I
just
hate
reading my statistic
seeing those mystery reader reading all over my old blog
like a best seller
hehe
I
am just as nosy as all those mystery reader
that's all
nothing to much to offer
and
I am just promoting
Mei's Kitchen ready meals
Don't take cooking to seriously left Mei's Chef take the hard work for you........... Old dream I nearly give up.....
Mei’s Chef... Frozen ready meals Traditional Cantonese Cuisine Delivered to your door Ready for you to cook in your own kitchen All meals are freshly prepared and freeze at Mei’s kitchen in her own home Come with easy instructions for you to cook like a celebrity chef... So, why not give Mei’s a try! You won’t disappoint yourself... With Mei’s Chef!
Like to know a bit about Mei-visit:www.xxxxxxxxxxxx
Help needed: Looking for work? Do you like to learn Chinese cooking and earn money at the same time or if you like to join Mei’s Chef and work from home. Why not give Mei a call for a friendly chat. ................................................................................................... Appetizers Satay Chicken BBQ Pork Ribs Crispy Spring Rolls Crispy King Prawns Rolls Crispy Chicken Parcels
Main Course Mei’s home cook Fish cake - for steam
Cantonese home cook Meat loaf - for steam
Stuffed Pepper with ready made black bean sauce - for pan fried
Chicken with Chinese mushroom and black fungus - for steam or stir fried
Quick fry steak Chinese style come with ready make sauce - pan fried
Chicken wings with black beans - for steam or stir fried Braised Belly Pork in a spice so-ya sauce
Vegetable
Stir- fried mixed vegetable with garlic Stir-fried Spring Green with garlic and shrimp paste Stir-fried Spinach with garlic and fermented bean curd Lohan's delight-Chinese mixed vegetable Rice Jasmine fragrant boiled rice Special fried rice Mei's Special fried rice in Lotus leaf One a Week Braised Belly Pork with Taro Braised brisket beef Cantonese style Braised Chicken with Chinese mushroom and black fungar Brasied Tofu with Chicken in oyster sauce Braised Aubergine with minced pork Stuffed pepper with mined Pork, King Prawns in blackbean sauce Sweet and Sour Chicken Hong Kong style "One a week" is a selection of ready cooked dishes, each week one is selected for order with advance notice, subject to availavility.. ...................................................................
Mei's Kitchen-ready meals is coming soon! I hope!!!! And I still have alot to do yet, and for time being.... I will try it on my friends first..... to see some feed back, and hopefully I won't be like last time-9 years ago, got myself ill and round up! The business plan is one of my old dream that I think I can make it and it never been out off my mind, all because my bipolar, my age and health, it did put me off many times. And because I am supporting myself now and been working as a cleaner for nearly 10 months and I hate to be a cleaner and I want a cleaner to clean my home too! May be this little dream can come truth too! Have a good day to all my readers love you all Mei *********** PS: To all my space friends, Mei would like your feed back for my menu.... if you find any mistake or have any comment or advice about the menu, Mei would love to hear from all of you, thank you in advance, you don't know.... a free sample might be on your way......
****************************************************** updated 16/10/09 Anyone like the idea? It's your for free! Free traning, free support, free...... and easy too...... everything is ready for you, all you need is a good hand and willing to learn, if you are the one I looking for, I really love to pass on... see it work... anyone interest? Well, another crazy idea from Mei! Hope all my friends have a great weekend. Mei
A busy day planning.......Been a busy day today, trying to get my menu finish to show the planning office for permission to work from home, 12 years ago I was running a small catering business from home, I was living in father in-law's house at the time, got this idea from a friend, she know somebody is doing the same thing - cooking at home in her own kitchen delivered to people's house, I said to this friend, "O, no you make me itch now!" This is something I really like to do and I don't fancy open a take away, I come out from there. But I do love to have a go like working from home and earn a little pocket money! So I started " Mei's Oriental Cuisine delivery service" at home-in my father in-law's house, I only open Friday and Saturday evening 6pm-9pm, its not a shop, customers come from friends and words of mouths..... and I did two Exhibitions to promote the business. After the Exhibitions the phone was ringing non stop and order are pulling in, 3 hours in an evening how much I can cook, most the orders are booked in advance, but some just ring up with out notice, did turn down a few, I was exhausted for a few weeks right after the exhibit ins. And because of family issue and I was exhausted after the exhibitions my mum just pass away and my dad got a young bird(lady) back in China, and I have a very bad flu, and the phone ranging non stop, So I said no more..... I QUIT.... 15 months business I built up....... gone!
 One year later, after a long break -2000, I want to start again with my dream- Mei's ready meals the idea are so good even father in-law told me to keep quiet, and who know me? I told the whole idea to a friend, see story "Friend 1-5" because this friendship, I made myself poorly again, which take me 2 years to get back on my feet, but it makes me know more about my illness, its first time I been told I am bipolar! But they have give me a lots of information and course about the illness, which I found it very useful and its over 7 years now, I am still fighting but I don't need to see the doctor or back to hospital for a break!
but its not my lucky No the 7, I need to be careful with this, and I hope this time my business won't makes ill again, so GOD help me! hehe..... give me strength......... and good news from the planning office, I got through that again and now just the developer I need their consent to work from home, the staffs at the office said don't think it have any problem and they couldn't wait for a free sample meals to be delivered...... I couldn't wait too! I will get there...... My menu are nearly finish, just need some Grammar check and may be I can post it here to see what my friends think, Good idea or not? Who's there.....WHO ARE YOU?WHAT ARE YOU DOING......WANT TO COPY......PLEASE ASK FIRST......Why I want to take off my coloured skin.....Why GOD make people different colour? If there is a GOD up the sky who makes people why he make so many colour? Or is it each colour have a different GOD? If he is so Good and Great and have special power..... why can't he make people all nice and kind to each others, why so many people are hurting each other? I just don't understand what you try to do GOD? I still think people are make from bacteria..... just like some food gone bad makes molds and they turn to many little living worms..... thats my little crazy mind thinking, sorry to all GOD's daughters and sons.
Well, lets get on with my moan..... I wrote a blog about my dad which I didn't really want to bring it up again.... i thought it might help to easy my mind, so I did and it did help me calm myself down a little, but when i visit some HK blog, and one is a very nice blog and he did a very good job every times, he had pics and nice old songs up every blog, it is very nice to visit him listen to old songs that I heard it when i was young, and only two or few days ago, he had one song and the story of that song is about a bird (lady) and a man, the man in the end lost his wallet.... I like that old song and I like the singer he's very funny, so I left a comment. But next time when I visit again, I notice a lady was commenting with some very rude words telling someone "PUK KAE" (means telling you sleep on the street) a Cantonese swear word, a really rude Cantonese word, not really nice come out from a lady, first I didn't take any notice at all, but then I notice the pics on the blog is her and I find out from their comments later, and i realise she is not really happy about my comment, because i said: " It makes me think of my dad!" and the story from the song have a lady and it wasn't a nice character in the story. But all i said is the song makes me think of my dad. I don't mean the lady in the photo is my dad's young bird! I realise later the photo is a real lady-one of Uncle E's lady friend and she is the one tell me to PUK KAE! Ha.............. no need for that lady! WOW!!!!!!! and that come from a lady and she is a nurse!!!! WOW! And do you know why and how do I know she is pointing me, because my comment makes her feel she is like the young bird my dad had and the story from that song is like pointing at her. I really dont know the pics is a real photo of a person that Uncle Exxx put in his blog, his blogs always have pics and funny cartoon in it,. I also find out from the rest of their comments that I am the one she is calling me "PUK KAE"! Ta ma di..... I am swearing in here Cantonese of course... but to no one alright.... just to myself! haha.... excuse me friends! In the end i left another comment at Uncle E to explain there is nothing personal about her in the comment, the song just make me think of my dad that is all and I really don't know the pics is a lady that Uncle E know. And from my last comment I left yesterday, there was no response from the lady and Uncle E again and they suddenly gone all queit after me post back another comment to explain, so that is proof the PUK KAE is calling ME! Ha...........
There is no need to tell me" PUK KAE and bugger off as far as i can run" LADY! And my blog are open for everyone, I know people are reading my story all over the www and talking about this nutter Mei. Some will hate me the gut and some will think i am a real nutter and some with a kind heart or a soft heart will fall in my story and cry for me, in this MSN space of blogland, I did make a few nice friends and people, some gave me a lots of encouragement which i am very grateful for and they did help me go through a lots of my hard times, I really don't know where will I be with out their supports and words, they work better than my medicine, it gives love and hope to carry on........ which sometimes family can't or they are scare of this kind of alien...... but i know they still love me.... even we had alot of fall out and row.... we're family, which mean ......  haha.....With the new blog friends I make recently, first I am very grateful and happy to find a few that speak the same language as me and its very funny blogging with them, but i have been call insane from a boy and now a lady call me PUK KAE it really put me off blogging with them and I did stop making comments on them for a while but i do visit and see if something interesting to read or songs to listen...... and look what have i done again..... see Mei.... you should bugger off as far as I can run...... just do as you told from that lovely lady, yuk!!! and look what you been call this time-PUK KAE!!!! What a lady...... WOW....
And last words I hate to be yellow skin and not just because the PUK KAE, i been scare of yellow since my dad's shop been robbed by 4 Chinese men back in the 80's!!!! Since that I hate yellow skin people, I feel very sicky and feel cold every times I pop in London's China town seeing all those men standing on the street chatting and smoking. We are same colour skin, and robbing their sisters and brothers (chinese call every one sister and brother it doesn't mean my own sis and bro in here) for quick money in a foreign country, I feel shame about being yellow and with all the latest news now and them from home, sometimes I don't know i should be proud of being a Chinese or want to turn to a transparent alien!
May be copy Michael Jackson is another good idea to change your colour!Sometimes I really wish I can be Michael Jackson.....I want to be Michael Jackson
changed
colour on my skin I feel sick... about dadI know I shouldn't write this..... and I might get told off again!
but every time when I pass some space...... I read people write about their DAD and how much they miss them and how much they love them, and father's day..... all this makes me very sick and sad and I feel shame about myself, because I hate my dad...... And its not truth..... I love him very much but that love had turn to hate and its dead! I don't know why? Yes, I do.... I am dad's favourite everybody know that and he told people that too. And not until I been told he had said : "Give it to the daughter, it's like give it to stranger!" I know I had mention in space few times before in my blog, but everytime when I read blog about people's DAD i feel very sick and cold, it's not the money that I hate him, it's like the feeling that I been used from my own dad for all those years, I work for him since I finish school at 16 until I was 32, I hate working in the take away and maybe that's how i got my illness from, I don't think its from my mum, my poor mum have problem too but her is not bipolar and she have 5 children on her own to look after and plus 2 more from my Auntie who chase her husband to uk because he had another woman. And she left her two son behind for mum, my poor mum have 7 children to look after and plus 3 old granny I have two grandma and a old widow come to live with us to help out, but all she do is just looking after 2 boys and not helping much for my mum, I can imagine how helpless my mum can be, she don't have much friends in HK, and her mum and dad are die early, she only have a brother in HK and 3 more brother in China that she never met since she left China she was 17 then, she never been back to China at all, we've talk her to but she always shake her head, but I remember to help her write letter and sent our old cloths back to China for her brothers, just don't understand why she don't want to go back to see them? The only brother had gone to England too, and I remember my own Grandma are very horrible to my mum, everytime when mum turn her body round grandma using her hand like a chopping knife making chop chop to her back, I don't know mum feel it or see it or not, but as I get older me and Grandma are not close as it use to be, I was her favourite too once!
Well, where am I? Gosh.... my family won't like that, I got everything out on space, and I keep saying I am the favourite one..... hehe! its the truth! Even my own sister and brothers said that and my aunties, I am a big head now, anyway lets get this blog to end, what I trying to say in here is my Dad, he is the world most meanness dad, he using the daughter as a slave and help him earn his wealth, and just walk off and how can he don't feel shame for the thing he said. I work for him from 16 until 32 their was no wage for the first few years, because we dont have friends or hobbies or day off to use money, so wage or not does nothing to us, I am still too shy to go shopping all the cloths from HK still fits I didn't grow an inch at all and I hardly speak much English, two years at school didn't learn much I was too shy to open my mouth. When I was 18, I have my first depression, I hate my work in the take away so much and I don't have any friends or hobbies no day off, working seven days a week, my sister and brother are still at school, I feel sad, lonely and worry..... no friends to talk to. I was 18 my first depression come in, since then I been on and off hospital like a yo yo! Thank God, nine years ago when my last depression visit me again and it last two long years and I really dropped to the deep deep hole all of that just because a so call friend, well, I did think she is one of my best friend but ..... well everything is in my earlier post "My friend" I like to write it again here but its to long! So, there is a long one for you to read if anyone like to know more, I love writing when I have something to moan, when I was quiet it mean life is boring!
Also mean I am ok or a bit low, see, I did said it in my profile "I love my bipolar!" LOL..... This time I been told I have bipolar and my CPN is very nice and she is GOOD she gave me a lot of help and advice, she is right "Its no cure, but could be treat!" I am so proud of myself the past two years and its my worst time of my life and I get over it and I am manege it very well, everybody told me SO! Well, I wrote to much about my nice old DAD and my Bipolar.... better stop now for a more rest. Got to work later. Hand in my resign letter yesterday, got another week and I am work-less..... I am planning my old dream..... hope this dream will come truth soon. Most of them did.... some take me a long long time..... to own and play my piano.... got to do my practice!And forgot to say-"FORGIVE AND FORGOT" It's fxxking easy to say, I have tried and tried, but I even told my sister not to angry with his young bird, we should proud of him, he can manage get a young bird look after himself, don't need bother us, we should proud for him, haha the young bird fly away after 5 years, nearly clear all his pension and he think she love him. LOL.... i really don't like being too old, I scare to relay on people look after me, I will have a good holiday in Swissland then say bye bye with a smile and no pain..... 65 is my dream age or may be 60! WOW, not much time left..... lets be wild..... what shall I do first to much want to do and sugar! Something not so right, I am talking too much, my Devil is visiting..... I'm not worry, been there many time, see if I can kill him again this time. God, need to work, wish my boss let me quilt yesterday, its a big mistake to quilt merrymaids! Sugar!!!!My new job.... and my old dream....Started the new job a weeks now, it's not busy at all until yesterday, all the pupils are back yesterday, nearly 1,500 of them, the building are very old and they're building are new school, dont know when it will finish, looks will be a long wait.....
Been thinking about to quit, its too long hours for my age!  Actually its not to bad, I thought i will fall asleep when I have my break, I think its the work when you got some thing to do, your head don't feel that sleepy or just the whole thing still new to me, I am not bore yet! Well, actually I am very bore with this new job, everyone is so young working with me, you know what the young like, they've their own mind and world, and I am very bore person in beginning if you dont chat me up first, I am very shy at new people but if you're a chatter box and I find you easy to talk, you wont find me boring....  the first 3 hours at the moment I am working with two young lady, and after school are closed I am on my own cleaning the whole block, this Monday are not to bad just two cookery classroom to clean and its not use yet! I still need wipe everything again and the floor, yesterday its different story, I been told to clean the Block all by myself..... and it nearly kill me..... moving all those chairs and hovering all rooms and wiping tables..... I am very fussy when I do things at work, I get paid and I like to do a good job specially first job on my own, well, I wish I am like that at my own home, hope I get pay to clean my home then I can have a nice clean home too my dream home! Anyway, I cleaned 7 class rooms two staff rooms and a long corridor, the first two class room take me an hour, and I know I am a bit behind my time only have 3 hours to do all those room, but a colleague come in told me don't do it too properly just do spot clean, otherwise you wont finish in time, but I still hate to see the place half done, in the end I did just maneage to finish in time... 3 hours all those rooms by myself, and the others finish half hour before me just chatting in the corner, I wish they can help me move some chairs or something..... I think I miss my mate at the last job, we help each other and we're more mature....  looks like i need job hunting again or start.... my dream.....run my own business again- Mei's Cuisine ready meals deliver to your door.... am I too old or to ill? Is it my bipolar visiting?   and I talking I hate cooking..... Abseil at Water Tower ....Staff and Volunteer from the flower nursery did a Abseiling at Tower Park's Water Tower to Raise money for Julia's house Children's Hospice last Friday.
There was some young kids there young as Ten and a few ladys too, and one looks she is in her sixty's sorry if I am wrong madam! And the young lady half way down in the air was interview by a soldier with a camcorder, looks like making a story for TV or magazine.
While I was watching them and they look very safe with all those harness and safety rope around them, I said to myself may be I can have ago..... looks fun! I can but can my heart cope? LOL....
 My first drive to Devon...I was so please for myself yesterday, driving to Devon visit a friend. WOW! That is a big thing for my life.... didn't think I can drive anywhere out side my home town really far anymore. But I did it yesterday.... with a friend's help, she sit next to me and I got my hubby's sav nav. But still, it is something to WOW about.... :-) next time will be do it on my own, I need to make it.... everything is possible.... |
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